כרמל האמא

Words written by Carmel, the mother of Major Ben Shelley, who was killed 5 months ago in Gaza, when he rescued Golani fighters with his soldiers from Unit 669. He was 26 years old when he was killed.

I never knew, the heart could hurt so much

Physically, Bleeding.

I never knew how heavy a heart can be.

To the point of not being able to carry it – it just falls

And me with it.

And in the heart, there are two rooms.

I knew that.

But how divided they are among them

How much the room of the “nothing” threatens the room of the “something”.

How the “nothing” makes me helpless

And in the room of the “something”, I am busy, day and night, to fill…

to fill with goodness,

with the living children,

with love,

in a dance,

in goodness,

And from the first moment, it was clear to me,

I am here for them,

I know that's what you want,

And as always, I so want you to be proud of your mom.

So I hold tight,

and at night,

The bed is soaked in blood,

in my heart's blood.

My heart that was shattered.